I believe one of the hardest parts of the Christian life is accepting God’s forgiveness. Once you get the past the idea that you are a sinner in need of forgiveness it’s hard to accept it and realize that you in yourself can do nothing to earn it.
For some you are so used to needing to prove yourself, to fight for every inch you get in life. You have been trained by life to knuckle up and draw some blood of your own. In short, you have to stand up on your own two feet or get kicked in the teeth.
For others, you don’t need any proof that you have faults, you face them daily, you fight not to sink in the reminders of your own failings and the idea that God could forgive you, you so desperately long for it, need it, but actually accepting it? That’s a different story, because you are disgusted with yourself and no matter how many teachings, or messages you hear about being a new person washed in the blood of the lamb, you still can’t shake that sick feeling you get every time you try and make things right, or walk in that newness of life Jesus so freely talks about.
I have been in both of these places. Neither place is any good, in fact, it’s very painful.
What’s the root cause? For both of these states, it is pride. In the first case you want to prove even though you do believe in God, and even have received his Son you want to prove that you can handle things on your own. It is safer that way rather than let Yeshua get any closer because you are very much afraid of being hurt, and so you don’t need him and can handle things on your own.
In the second case it is also pride because you are saying that while God makes it clear that the blood of his Son is good enough to clean you of all Sin, you somehow have it in your head that this one is an exception that somehow you’ve screwed up way too much for him to ever forgive you.
My good friend Sanda has told me many times that we have to speak the light of God’s truth into the darkness of the lie. This is very true, even when it’s hardest to believe.
In conclusion, no matter what you’re dealing with, don’t be afraid to confront the issues that plague you, be ready to confess them to God, and renounce them as necessary.
Also keep in mind that the enemy will use anything he can as a foothold if you give him the opportunity and guilt or pride are two of his top favorites.
I hope that this has been helpful to you. Please share with anyone who might need to read it.
P.S. Here are some scriptures that you can chew on.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake and remembers your sins no more. Is 43:25
Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. Is 1:18
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Cor 5:17
In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace Eph 1:7
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,
in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Col 1:13-14