Does God toy with those he loves?

Or is this just a question of learning to trust?

I’m trying,

but I’m not like the saints of old,

who by faith did so many things,

forever told.

Trust and obey they say,

there is no other way,

But hard to trust when everything’s shadowed in gray.

I know I’m not the only one who’s  come to this place,

And I know this is a test of faith.

But what if I fail,

what if this breaks?

What will we tell those who stayed?

They trusted us,

will it be in vain?

And if so,

is God to blame?

No.. been down that road.

So what am I left with?

When will this make sense?

Whatever comes at the end,

things happen.

Maybe not the best way to handle it,

Bible says in all things be content,

My answer, still working on it.

Do what you’re told,

Play your hand or fold,

Cause in the end,

We’re the ones that hold,

all the cards in the deck,

Lies and deceit are the rules of the game.

We’ve made our choice,

You’ll make yours.

We’ll serve our God,

You serve your Lord.

And when we gather on that final day,

Everyone’s  ready to face,

 The Ancient of Days,

Our plans will come to nothing,

He will bring our defeat

And when we fall on bended knee,

To acknowledge him as

Lord of Lords, and King of Kings,

He will say,

“depart from me, you workers of iniquity

I never knew you,

Now Hell’s fire awaits 

How do we explain the grief and pain that plagues our race?

the blood and death on our screens?

How dare we believe that God is good in the midst of these tragedies.

We can’t diminish what we see,

There are just some things, that don’t have an answer why.

But he is above all this.

One day,

No more death sorrow or pain.

The former things washed away,

this is what we cling to

when confronted with this world’s fate.

Yet, is our grip slipping?

Our faith, a mockery?

or just wishful thinking

while life screams of realities

despite what we believe?

In the end,

That’s our choice to make.

Needing to release this,

But I’d just be bleeding on the page.

When will this end?

When will I come out the other side,

Find peaceful places in my mind.

That aren’t filled with shadowed thoughts,

Congealed into wicked jelly.

Taken a gut shot,

on the ropes, it seems.

go ahead

take another swing

now my head is spinning,

so much for my way of doing things.

Control, the one thing I couldn’t keep

doing my best to stay on my feet.

I strike back,

aim and miss

shove these thoughts down again.

They drop me to the mat

On my knees, ready to tap out

Then from outside the ring,

I hear him shout

Rely on my strength,

This fight is already won,

I have overcome.

I get to my feet,

Taking the last swing,

 the enemy staggers back in defeat,

I sigh in relief.

For greater is he that is in me,

than the enemy I’ve just beat.