“Some Ears ARE Open”
This piece is an attempt to counterbalance the last writing, “Stopped Up Ears” and to tell you, the reader, where my heart was coming from. Although I wrote it in first person, I did that not because I was crying out in pain and I feel like nobody was listening. (At times I have felt that way, but not at that moment. ) The intention was literary. It was for readers to be able to get into a first person story and relate to the character. I wanted to validate people’s venting. I wanted to be vulnerable with them and with everybody, since there is a small part of me that does feel this way, that “no one knows what is going on inside, even though I want them to know what I am feeling.” So I admit I relate to the character, which all of us can relate to at one point or another. I wanted to be vulnerable, identify with my readers, and to share the compassion of Christ.
Two things I did not realize when I wrote this last piece. It always amazes me the compassion that is shown to me when I am venting or asking questions. I assure everyone reading this that I am fine. These thoughts used to consume me. Now the Lord has enabled me to deal with them quickly and submit them to Him. I am not consumed with these thoughts, though the piece made it appear so. Many of you honored me with great compassion, prayers, and a connection to my heart. I am humbled by this. The second thing I realized is this: I need to rethink my strategy in writing. First person may not be a good idea. I want so bad to connect with people, to empathize or sympathize with them. I want to relate to people so that they can feel and know that they are heard. I know I can’t relate to the depth of pain some people have in their body, their mind, their spirit (emotions), and the crises they have in relationships because of their life circumstances. But the truth is I don’t know exactly what people are going through, or how deep those feelings go. There’s no way I can, because I am not in their shoes. In fact, many of you challenge me to exam my own faith and priorities, the way you go through so much and still have so much joy. Thank you for that challenge. The long and short of it is this: I need to get closer to Jesus, so when the deep waters of grief or pain hit, I will not drown, but will rise above them with joy. My faith is weak in this area.
It was not my intention to hurt anybody or make them sad or scared. It was my intention to bring people together around a struggle, and help them tackle it together, and to get their focus, and my own, on Jesus. He is our help, healer, and friend. I pray that you hear my heart, as I long to hear yours. I am honored by the way many of you take care of me and pray for me, and offer to pray with me over the phone. God bless you for your faithfulness and compassion.
At this moment, one of our cats, “Moose”, is asleep on my left hand as I try to type this piece out, sitting here on my couch. At the next writing, Lord willing, I will be writing about the difference between humility and humiliation. They are not the same things, though they often get jumbled up together, with not so positive results. And I promise not to write it in first person!
Until next time, may God bless and prosper us all.
Pastor John
