PTSD, Christianity, And Me What Does One Have to do With The Other
I am so happy to be accepted as an author for Unresolved Life! I believe we all have unresolved lives, that is until we get to Heaven. I pray some of my own truth, questions, exploration will give you insight into your own journey through this life.
PTSD, Christianity, and Me
God chose me even before He created the world.
Ephesians 1:3-4 3Praise be to the God and Father of our LORD Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love
He forgave my sins when Christ died on the cross
1 Peter 3:18 18For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.
Holy Ghost convicted me and showed me I needed Christ when I was 15 years old.
John 16:7-8
7 But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. 8 When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment:
PTSD, Christianity, and Me
So, if I am a new person in Christ then why do I have PTSD? Why did God allow all the pain and trauma?
I can tell you this, it all started when I was just a toddler. My mother fell in love with a man who is a recovering alcoholic and sex addict. They were just doing the best they can in this fallen world. As the Bible says
Numbers 14:18
‘The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.’
My parents were just living what they were taught and the effects of the traumas of their youth. The results were twisted beliefs of what is ok to do in a family because the effects of past trauma, and alcohol. No one wanting to cross the alcoholic of the family because they are the breadwinner.
For me personally I was exposed to sexuality at a very young age, then as I developed physically it became more personal sexual abuse. Which then established in my young thinking that is how you get a man to love you.
PTSD, Christianity, and Me
As you can see, the abuse started long before I found the Lord. The damage was already done to my psyche and my brain. I know God says once we accept Him, He will make us new. But those who are mature Christians does that mean all the damage and wrong thinking changes overnight? If He took away all our pain, all our damage right away how could we learn from that? Right now I do not seem to have all the answers to this. But I do know that God is still working on me. Through this process I know He will reach others.
As a result of my self will and the damage thinking I still believed to win men’s love is sexually. This lead me to many boys and men being able to take advantage of me. I seemed to only draw men who had major sexual issues. Being raped by one, used for their benefit by many others. The whole time I think it is me that is the problem.
PTSD, Christianity, and Me
Through all this my brain has had to function in survival mode.
After any type of trauma (from combat to car accidents, natural disasters to domestic violence, sexual assault to child abuse), the brain and body change. Every cell records memories and every embedded, trauma-related neuropathway has the opportunity to repeatedly reactivate.
Sometimes the alterations these imprints create are transitory, the small glitch of disruptive dreams and moods that subside in a few weeks. In other situations the changes evolve into readily apparent symptoms that impair function and present in ways that interfere with jobs, friendships and relationships.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-science-behind-ptsd-symptoms-how-trauma-changes-the-brain/
This is where I find myself today as I am writing to you. Learning about how all the trauma has affected me, why I made decisions that I made and how to let God in to do the real changing.
I welcome you all to follow me on my journey of discovery, drawing closer to the Lord and how to make decisions that bring Him glory. I go deep in studying the word, I have a very open and revealing journal in the forums on my website. It is hidden from the general public. But if you recognize your struggle in anything I am talking about. I welcome you to join me in the journey of healing by joining my community.
